Martha Sleeps With Snakes (literally)

I mean it.

I've slept with snakes.

Literally.

Not a, "Omg that was so funny I literally died laughing" literally which is not literally at all. But a, "Me, a bed, and some snakes!" literally.

In high school my friend Joy owned a couple of snakes. And by "owned" I meant she went into her desert backyard in Arizona, saw two snakes, and thought "I'd like to own these."

Weirdly enough, the snakes didn't seem to mind. They became quite petlike. They let her hold them. They let her feed them mice. They didn't run (slither?) away.

The snakes even did this cute thing (yes...cute...bear with me) where they would slither themselves into our belt loops and extend their heads all the way to the ground between our legs as we walked. (Talk about having a third leg, hardy har har.)Joy could even pull it off inline skating (ah, remember inline skates?) so she would zip through town with a little snake hanging out between her legs.

And one time, when I slept over, the snakes crawled (dammit, still slithered, isn't it?) into bed with us.

It was, ya know weird. You'd feel the sheets moving and then something scaley would slide over your calf or up your arm. Who knows what the snakes did once we actually fell asleep or if they did anything at all.


(Followup: One of the snakes eventually made its way back to the desert while the other died of...whatever snakes die of. Being owned by humans, most likely...)