Je ne regrette rien

by Juliet

I regret not learning to speak French fluently. Nah, actually that's not a real regret. I'd like to speak better, but I figure I'll fix that situation by hanging out in France more. It's a sacrifice, but it's one I'm willing to make.

Here's the thing: by and large, I don't get caught up in regret. I've made mistakes, sure, but I don't dwell on them. I figure all the things I've done or chosen not to do, the bad as well as the good, have led to the life I'm currently living...and I'm so happy with my life.

Me and Edith Piaf. Sing it, sister!

I'm also superstitious. I'm afraid if I regret anything in my past and the Fates catch wind of it, they might decide to screw with me by granting my wish and changing my past, which would wreak havoc in my present...sort of like the butterfly effect.

You know what they say: be careful what you wish for.

So here, in no particular order, are a few regrets I feel safe in declaring:


Hogan's Heroes. Are you familiar with this program? It's a sit-com set in a WWII prisoner of war camp. Because those Nazis were hi-larious. As a child I watched re-runs of this show with disturbing regularity. I'd like to have that time back.

The Cottage Cheese Diet. Yet another youthful folly. Any of you familiar with it will understand what I'm saying here. It leads to nothing but regret, take my word for it.


Wearing a white T-shirt and new blue jeans at the Water Park. My legs were stained blue for at least a week. And my modesty? In shreds. Today I would laugh it off, but as a teenager...? Mortifying.

The Third Martini. Almost always.

Waiting until the night before to write something important, like a dissertation, or a blog post. *Ahem*. You know what I'm talking about.

You may notice the above list does not include anything really important, like not saying "I love you" enough, or holding on to resentment and anger until it's too late. I don't believe in those sorts of regrets (and besides, I have very little pride) so I nipped that sort of "if only" behavior in the bud a long time ago. I try to let the people in my life know how much I love them, work hard, and embrace joy.

But Hogan's Heroes? Really?