Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Of Gardens and Witches by Juliet

Next time you move into an old house, try this: water the garden.

Even in yards long abandoned, living green things things start popping out of the ground (and no, Mr. Hockensmith, I’m not talking zombies). Plants that for years had been hiding in the dank, dark dirt decide to give it another go. Seemingly dead twigs might sprout new leaves; crumbly old bulbs take another shot at flowering; and how many times have I pronounced spiky old rosebushes dead-as-doornails just to have them prove me wrong the following spring, budding with a heavenly aroma rarely experienced with newer hybrids?
The regenerative properties of plants are nothing short of…magical.

So is it any wonder that plants are so closely allied with witchcraft? The botanical arts have always been tied to healing, naturally –the medicinal qualities of plants are still being discovered and catalogued, even today—and traditional healing and witchcraft have always gone hand-in-hand. But plants are also connected to something beyond the physical, something we now call, rather prosaically, “mental health”. (I rather preferred it when people used to say things like: “she’s got the devil in her, that one.” But back then they used to burn folks who displayed traits related to schizophrenia or even epilepsy, so I have to admit the treatment options have improved dramatically in recent times.)
I write a mystery series featuring Lily Ivory, bona fide witch. One of the reasons she’s so much fun to write is that I get to indulge my research fetish, spending hours, days, even weeks reading and looking things up, meandering through the internet the way I used to crawl through the dusty recesses of university libraries. (Surfing the web might not be nearly as evocative an image, but at least I can do it in my jammies, coffee in hand. Turns out they frown on that in libraries. Trust me on this one. This is the voice of experience talking.)

Researching for my first witchcraft book, I came across the concept of a mandragora, a sort of household imp made from the root of a mandrake bush. The mandrake bush, lore has it, emits a shriek so ear-piercing that it drives people mad when its roots are disturbed unless it is approached with respect, and paid with milk and bread and coins.
According to The History and Practice of Magic, written in 1870 by the rather ironically-named Paul Christian, the mandragora can still be conjured by intrepid souls:

"Would you like to make a mandragora as powerful as the homunculus so praised by Paracelsus? Then find a root of the plant called mandrake. Take it out of the ground on a Monday (the day of the moon), a little time after the vernal equinox. Cut off the ends of the root and bury it at night in some country churchyard in a dead man’s grave. For thirty days water it with cow’s milk in which three bats have been drowned. When the thirty-first day arrives, take out the root in the middle of the night and dry it in an oven heated with branches of verbena. Then wrap it up in a piece of a dead man’s winding-sheet and carry it with you everywhere."

Upon reading this, my witch protagonist notes:

"One thing about spells: Sometimes they have to be modified. Like any recipe, you make substitutions. You don’t have access to a dead man’s winding-sheet, you might use some gauze blessed with juniper and rose of Jericho instead. My blood would do instead of drowning the bats, and rather than actually burying the little guy in a dead man’s grave, all we needed was some freshly overturned cemetery dirt."

Now, I know there are people who don't enjoy gardening, per se, but I ask you: what’s not fun about that?

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Rachael Waters a Few Certain Plants

I don't have a green thumb. I have a moderate-to-middling brown with green undertones thumb. In the house, I routinely kill anything that's placed in the living room. I just don't see the plants in that room. They don't exist. If I buy a plant and put it on the mantel, I'll do well for maybe a month, and then it will turn crispy around the edges and start to scream in a high, tiny voice that I find I'm exceedingly good at tuning out. Then the leaves drop off, one by one, until it's replaced by another generic Room Plant.

But there are a few plants I care about, and they all came from my mother.


The hellebore in the front yard. I stuck it in the ground, and lo and behold, years later, it's still alive. I have a stubborn fondness for green flowers -- they're so subtle and so in-your-face at the same time. I'm green! What are you going to do about it? Huh? Oh, you're going to admire me? Well, then. Go ahead.



The African violet that was almost dead on her writing desk when I swept it up to live at my house, months after she'd died. It blooms every five or six months, and it's blooming now. Double its size, I need to find a bigger pot and maybe propagate some more plants from it, but I'm rather terrified. I don't want to risk killing it. So instead, I dump water on it (it sits on my writing desk now) and hope for the best. And it just keeps chugging along.


The geraniums on our front sun-porch. My favorite is a Mrs. Cox geranium, and my mother got it from an elderly neighbor, Mr. Hill. (Mr. Hill is very old, and one day called my mother on the phone and said, "Jan? I need you to come over. I think I've finally done it and gone senile, because I just saw a chicken in my hallway." My mother went over and found that a chicken had somehow wandered into Mr. Hill's house.)

All these plants stay alive, and I barely have to try. I throw water at them as often as I remember. But if plants grew on love alone (and they might, I think), that would explain it, wouldn't it?

Monday, April 19, 2010

Where Everything Grows

by Sophie

GARDENING

Oh, how I love to play in the dirt. It's the most soothing interlude to furious bouts of writing that I can imagine...but it wasn't always this way. It took a move to northern California to convert me.

Garden tours were popular in Evanston, IL, where we use to live, probably because the growing season was about twelve hours long and anyone who could coax anything out of the ground in those harsh conditions was roundly admired. Garden novices ourselves, we didn't even try.

Then, ten years ago, we moved here.

Our neighbor Sylvia gave us a sprig of geranium and suggested we poke it into the ground. This is what happened.

People sent us amaryllis at Christmas. I figured What the heck, and stuck them in the ground, too. They bloom every 6 months.





We went to the old mission in Sonoma and poked around the gardens. I snapped a tiny paddle off a giant cactus, rolled it up in a cocktail napkin, stuck it in my purse and forgot it for three days. Then I found it and stuck it in the ground. Here it is three years later.








I ordered a weeping cherry tree online. When it came, it was a two-foot-long dead stick. It worked out fine.




In my latest book, I have a character whose love of growing things is in sharp contrast to her bleak, hopeless state at the beginning of the book. As I write this, it seems sort of heavyhanded, but I tried to use language to work it in more subtly.

Once, Cass would have been able to tell from the wildflowers growing in the foothills where she ran. In August petals fell from the wild orange poppies, the stonecrop darkened to purplish brown, and butterweed puffs drifted in lazy breezes.

Friday, April 16, 2010

The Future is WOW!

Today's guest is our very own Steve Hockensmith, an Edgar finalist for his wonderful Holmes on the Range series, and New York Times Bestselling author of the new Dawn of the Dreadfuls. Steve is one of those rarities in life: a whip-smart, wicked funny, good-lookin' fella...who's also and incredible writer and just an all-around great guy.


(Steve also happens to know a whole lot of secrets that somehow slipped out over drinks late one night, so Sophie and I are now bound to him in some sort of evil otherworldly pact...it's all very complicated.)


Please welcome Steve Hockensmith, aka our favorite Zombie boy!



I can’t help but notice that technology’s really taken it on the chin here this week. I mean, here we are living in what once would have been considered the far-flung future, yet no one seems very happy about it. Sure, we were promised Star Trek and ended up with Soylent Green, but look on the bright side. At least our genetically engineered ape-slaves haven’t risen up to destroy human civilization...yet.


Yeah, alright, so 2010 doesn’t look much like an Amazing Stories cover. As has been pointed out a lot lately, no one’s handing out jet-packs and robots. You know what, though? That’s fine by me. I barely trust myself to drive my 1996 Corolla. Strap a jet-pack to my back, and I’d end up pancaked against the side of a high-rise in less than 30 seconds. And robots? Oy, the trouble the unions would kick up. Have we learned nothing from NAFTA?


And let’s not forget the many wonderful things technology has done. You’d think it had never given us a little something called the ShamWow. Or -- hellllllllo, people! -- the Snuggie. And trust me, if we could send a freshly nuked Hot Pocket through a wormhole to Albert Einstein, the dude would be whipping up a time machine after the first bite just so he could have access to a frozen food aisle circa RIGHT FRAKKIN’ NOW. Yet all we have to do is get in our 1996 Corolla (assuming we all have 1996 Corollas or their equivalents) and drive to Safeway without getting caught in the crossfire of a drug deal gone bad, and it’s pepperoni pizza turnovers ahoy!

Truly, we live in an age of wonders.


Yet still people complain. They even seem a little afraid. And I think I know why.


The fine folks who contribute to this blog all have one thing in common. No, it’s not that they’re all smokin’ hot!!! Well, they are, as you can see from the picture at the top of this page. But that’s not what I’m thinking of. Well, now I am, but you brought it up. Geez, you got me all distracted. Where was I?


Oh, yeah.


The fine folks who contribute to this blog all have one thing in common. They’re all writers. Smokin’ hot writers, but that’s beside the point. As writers, smokin’ hot or otherwise, they have reason for concern. The publishing industry is struggling. Fewer people are reading. Books, some say, are headed the way of the dinosaurs -- and I don’t mean the cute baby ones from The Land Before Time who manage to have hilarious misadventures and learn valuable life lessons even as their respective races are wiped out forever.


And why is all this happening? (Not the destruction of the dinosaurs, but the book trouble stuff.) Technology. Who has time to read when they’re wrapped up in their Snuggie eating Hot Pockets and watching the latest ShawWow commercial on channel 9,457? I’ll tell you who.


You! Me! Us, in other words! Because there’s been another development that’s going to ensure that the reading of fine literature continues forever and ever, amen. It’s not a technology, per se, but it is a direct outgrowth from it. It’s called multitasking.


Do you know what I’ve been doing while I typed this into my iPad? You guessed it: gorging on Hot Pockets and watching infomercials from the comfort of my very own Snuggie! And I’ve been reading War and Peace while I did it! And if I can do all that, then surely --


Damn, Hot Pocket spill! Ow ow, hot cheese, ow ow! Oh, god, it’s in the Snuggie, IT’S IN THE SNUGGIE! Ahhhhhh! Why am I still typing when I can smell my own flesh burni23[p90rjpoiajk[fp0o9jke[09’mdfads


*Steve’s blog post ended here. Check back for updates on his medical condition.*


Steve Hockensmith writes the "Holmes on the Range" mystery series for St. Martin's Minotaur. He recently made his debut on the New York Times bestseller list with Dawn of the Dreadfuls, a prequel to Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. He is currently at work on this bio. Visit him at http://www.stevehockensmith.com.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

The Aesthetics of Technology

Whenever I start to wax poetic about how I was I born many decades too late, I'm reminded about all the reasons it's great to live in the modern world. Computers, for example, make it infinitely easier to compose a novel than typewriters did -- especially for those of us who are spelling-challenged. But just look at them. The computer itself isn't inspiring; it's a tool.

I love my light-as-a-feather Eee laptop, but it would be so much cooler if I could compose a mystery novel on a typewriter and then have it typeset on an ink-stained letterpress.

Maybe that's why drinking scotch and smoking never stuck for me. The wispy smoke of a half-forgotten cigarette lounging next to this piece of plastic is somehow incongruent. But next to an old fashion typewriter? Definitely.

Yes, I'm both an artist and a romantic. I want aesthetic sensibilities along with my technology, dammit.

Apple computers did this for a while, but I miss my 7-year-old sturdy silver laptop that was replaced with slick white plastic in the newer version. But a girl can dream -- especially when Steampunk exists.

The aesthetics of Steampunk make me long for that alternate universe where we can have modern technology with the style of Victorian England.



I'll take Robert Downey Jr. in Guy Ritchie's re-imagined Sherlock Holmes in favor of the modern forensics TV shows any day.

--Gigi

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Martha Hates Technology

My feelings about technology are best summarized by this video:



Despite promises, technology never seems to work exactly how it's supposed to, when it's supposed to.

- My GPS gets me lost more than it gets me found.

- The automated "customer service" voice has never, ever, ever helped me.

- Stupid "safe" passwords just mean my account is safe from me remembering how to login.

- What do I do with the stupid blue screen of death on my computer? What did I do to deserve it?

- If you unplugged my TV/Playstation/VCR/TiVos, I'd have no idea how they all went together.

- I don't get why I have five remote controls and all have to be in different input settings to make anything work.

- Why are there tons of DVD types and why is one better than the other and why can I buy one but not the other and why do I need to take up valuable brain space keeping it all together?

- Why is it when banks/retail stores/telephone companies "make mistakes" they blame it on "the computer" or "the server" or "the system" and this makes it okay that no one can fix anything because we are all powerless against this mystery technology?

I know technology gives me things I'd have a hard time living without. My TiVo. Cameras. Shiatsu massage chairs (sooo awesome). Plumbing.

But let's just say that come apocalypse time, I won't mind unplugging.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Late to the Party


I’ve got a love/hate thing going on with technology. And I’m definitely a late adopter or sometimes a total non-adopter. Warning!! Some of the information you are about to read is distressing to techies. :)

I don’t have a microwave.

There I said it. (The last time I told someone this, they sputtered, literally for at least five minutes. :) ) I’ll give you a minute or two to get over the shock. When you can read again. Come on back.....




My writing laptop is ten years old and it has NEVER been on the internet. I know I could probably get it to hook up if I wanted to....

But I. Don’t. Want. To.



And of course I can get on the internet (I’m here, aren’t I?) Just not with my writing laptop. We have a big ol’ clunky desktop that surfs the web and I’ve got my Blackberry for reading email and tweeting.






The promise of new technology is great. It really is. But half the time (or more) it doesn’t work. Not the way it is touted.

My oven is supposed to bake 8 trays of cookies evenly. Uh, nope sorry, doesn’t even work on a measly two trays.

My Blackberry can surf the web (very SLOWLY) but I don’t need to surf the web on my phone.

My iPod can play movies but on a freaking one inch screen, why would I want to? Movies were meant to be seen large not infinitesimally small. In the famous words of Riley Poole. “It shouldn’t be done. Not it can’t be done, it shouldn’t be.”

Before you cast me out of our brave new world, I definitely think that we need creative geniuses out there coming up with space aged, funky Jetson-type gadgets.




But, stop releasing new technology before it is ready. Or maybe before I’m ready. :)

Lisa

And just for reference, I HAD a microwave but a few years ago we decided to get rid of it and with the exception of one or two times (usually when entertaining and someone brings something that needs to be heated up in the microwave) I don’t miss it.

Oh, and how do I live without one? I use my stove top and my oven. Shocking, I know.

Monday, April 12, 2010

Radio Divination and Other Regressive Uses of Technology

L.G.C. Smith

Blogger ate my post last night, which seems apropos our topic this week, or I screwed something up. So here we go again...

Is there such a thing as ethno-technology? Sort of like ethnobotany where it isn't the plants themselves that are so much the thing as the ways people use them? If there is, that's what I find most interesting about technology: what we do with it.

I don't believe homo sapiens sapiens have changed all that much over the years. If we could see back fifty thousand years into the past, I'm pretty sure we'd find people dealing with technology in the same ways we do now. Imagine an old guy (all of thirty-five) and a young whippersnapper sitting on the beach in what would someday be pirate-ridden Somalia, discussing the relative merits of flint blades over whatever was used before that. "I can split a hair with this flint knife," the young buck would have claimed, to which the geezer would have snapped, "Why do you need to split a hair? Make yourself useful. Go cut up an antelope or something." The young guy would have done it in half the time the old fellow's old-fashioned blade could manage, and the old guy would have resisted using flint for the rest of his life on principle.

That principle is still around today in the sentiment that technology doesn't always make things better. Indeed, one day last year, one of my sisters was riding downtown to work on a crowded bus where everyone but her had iPod earbuds stuffed in their ears. Someone ripped a tremendous fart to absolutely no reaction. No grins. No giggles. Nothing. No one else heard it. I don't know if that's gross or just plain sad.

Lack of manners and resistance to change aside, one of the most enduring human traits seems to be attempting to forge God (or something like him/her/it) in our own image. Technology can be a handy tool in service of these efforts. For years I've joked that Google is God. You know, it's invisible, always around us in the air, capable of answering most any question you put to it if you ask the right way, blah, blah, blah. Well, come to find out, there are at least a few souls who actually think Google is God. For real. Google it and see.

Similarly, many technologies lend themselves well to divination. Our ancestors relied on goat guts, tea leaves, runes, and the I-Ching (among others). A lot of respectable religions frown on these sorts of things, but that doesn't necessarily stop practitioners from finagling the technology of the day into some sort of divination tool. A sturdy Bible -- in the form of a book, a technological wonder that's lasted a good long time as tech toys go -- can be used for things your pastor might not approve.

In my youth, I recall hearing people talk about praying to the Lord about something important to them like whether or not to buy a new turntable, for instance. To avoid waiting for what might well be an ambiguous answer, or risking non at all on what the Almighty might consider a low-priority concern, they'd flop open the Bible to a random page to see what the Big Guy (or Gal, or whatever) had to say to them.

Suppose they landed on one of the Old Testament genealogies. Hathpashet begat Leviticus, who begat Mahooticus and on and on and on with the weird names...hey, just like a record turns around and around and around! Buy the turntable! Now it would be really clear if you landed in that part of Ecclesiastes sampled in the Byrd's song. You know, "To everything there is a season, Turn, Turn, Turn." Of course, an observant devotee using this method of divination might have a pretty good idea where exactly Ecclesiastes is in the Bible and subtly influence the flop. This may not be the most technologically sophisticated form of divination.

Which brings me to Radio Divination, the jewel in the crown of technology turned to superstitious practice in the last half of the 20th Century. This is where you have an important question on which you wish to consult the Higher Power of your choice, and you use songs on the radio as your medium. A car radio is best. Not very many things are better done in the car, but Radio Divination most definitely is.

You frame your question. If you are young and affluent enough to be on the loose in a car, it often takes a form similar to: Should I drive past Eric Vondermeyer's haunts to see if he's home or out with that skank Tiffany Babbo? You know you shouldn't, stalking is bad, etc, which is why you seek the sanction of a Higher Power willing to speak through your radio. (I leave open the question of what sort of Higher Power has any interest in speaking through radios.) You must then designate which song will have your answer. The next one to start on a particular station, or just press presets until you hit a song. There's variation here. Just be clear.

Let's say you land on your mother's oldies station and "Jesse's Girl" in playing. You know your answer is that Eric secretly longs for you the way Rick Springfield longs for Jesse's girl, so yes, do it. Drive by his house, the sportmart where he works, and Tiffany's house. If Eric's car is there, seek solace in more Radio Div. You may find that Eric will soon leave Tiffany and find love with you. Should any other outcome be hinted at, feel free to ignore it. For God's sake, it's just the radio.

Sometimes the Higher Powers may begin communicating with you via the radio of their own volition. If this happens, get back on your meds. If it continues happening, I'm not sure what to tell you. When I used to drive back and forth between my house in Mission, SD and my parents' house in Rapid City, every time I drove by Eagle Nest Butte Annie Lennox's "Walking on Broken Glass" came on the radio. It happened 22 times in 16 months. Planned trips, spur of the moment jaunts, any route, any and all radio stations (although there were only three than reliably came in the whole way). By the time I moved back to Berkeley, I was half afraid of both Eagle Nest Butte and Annie Lennox.

I never did figure out exactly what the point of that was. My brother says there is no point, other than something explicable by playlist dynamics, but he's a techie and a scientist, so he's invested in proving things. I'm more into interesting stories. The ways I dumb down technology to accommodate my own wistful purposes seems to baffle folks like my brother.

Technology is only as advanced as we are, and we don't appear to be in danger of radical changes anytime soon. Pundits may spew about the evil potential in technologies, or the great good that might be done, but most people are using it to look at porn, play poker, do tarot spreads, project their net worth fifty years into the future, or discuss what they barbecued in their Big Green Eggs. We are endlessly trivial, most of us.

I find this banality as reassuring as I sometimes find new technologies disconcerting. I also still find Radio Divination amusing. I urge you all to unplug your iPods and give it a try the next time you're stuck in traffic.


Friday, April 9, 2010

Technology: the bad, the good and the ugly

Maddee James is the owner of xuni.com, which designed and built this blog and a bunch of other cool author sites too! This is her first guest blog ever. Be gentle.
***

You would think that guest blogging amongst the wonderfully talented writers here would be too intimidating, and um.... it is... but I figure if I keep my words to a minimum, what bad could happen? (which reminds me of a recent convo with my son... me: "Did you have a good day at school?" him, enthusiastically: "It was GREAT!" me, thinking he like met a new girl or got an A or something: "What made it so good?" him: "Nothing bad happened.")

Okay so anyway, technology.... Here's my take on it -- from TV to the internet to all important hair implements -- things I don't like, things I wish it did (!) and things I LOVE...

THINGS I DON'T LIKE ABOUT TECHNOLOGY:

1. TV: just say no.



Okay so one night there weren't any new forensic shows on so I turned to Fatal Attractions on Animal Planet. And there was this story about a woman who had raised a chimp from babyhood and he suddenly went beserk and attacked her best friend. No, I am not kidding. The YouTube story is here. Just hours after her friend is MAULED (and I mean permanently disfigured!), the woman says: "I would do it [raise the chimp] all over again if I could." Um, hello? That chimp just ATE HER FRIEND'S FACE OFF.
I swear I'm never watching late night TV again.

2. PayPal.



See that guy relaxing in his chair 'cause he loves the ease of PayPal? That would not be me. I know I shouldn't admit this but I can't figure out how to get the money OUT of there. People have paid me that way for like two years and I have never once taken money out. I have no idea how much I have in there. It's like the black hole of money.

3. The ability to watch movies in the car.



We drove to Santa Fe this last weekend. My son was glued to his mac laptop watching Pirates of the Caribbean which admittedly has some good scenery but look what he missed outside:



4. Researching how to murder someone is now easy as pie!



I admit it -- I watch too many forensic shows. But come on now people, don't you realize that if you google how to kill someone with rat poison, stockings around the neck, or an ice sculpture THEY ARE GOING TO CATCH YOU? Erasing your browser history does not matter. THEY WILL CATCH YOU. And by the way, the ways to avoid getting killed are very clear if you watch enough of these shows like I do: DON'T GET MARRIED (it's always the spouse) and DON'T DRINK ALCOHOL (oh the idiotic things people blame on being drunk).

5. match.com



Need I say more?


THINGS I WISH TECHNOLOGY COULD DO!:

1. Turn the heat on in my cottage when I forget.



We have gone out of town more than once and come home to DEAD PETS. Not the dog, thank god.



(Zeke says thanks mom. is he not the cutest pup EVER?)

But we've frozen fish and even birds (sorry Mario and Margarita).

Which brings me to the next thing I would LOVE it if technology could do...

2. Make it stop $%&#* snowing!



Yes, this is our cottage. Now honestly, they seed clouds to make rain, right? Good technology for drought! So why can't they MAKE IT STOP (this from someone who woke up to 8 inches when she was in a tank top just yesterday!).

3. Stop me from eating BBQ potato chips.



(no that is not me; I would never wear pink)

4. Keep me from running out of gas in the middle of freaking nowhere.



Oh yeah there's a technological gas gauge thingie! Guess that was my fault.

5. Cell service no matter where you are.



I know you ALL want this one! Plus the cute blonde girls abducted by creepy wingnuts on the crime shows would always be able to call the cops from the locked windowless room in the dank cellar of the remote cabin in the dark woods at the end of a single-lane road along a forgotten highway.


THINGS I LOVE ABOUT TECHNOLOGY!:

1. My hair straightener.



This has to be number one. Amazing technology. Changed my life. Enough said. (except that that is not me either. Swear to god.)

2. My daughter texting me during Chemistry.



I know, a lot of mothers wouldn't like this but I totally do. If I need to ask her something in the middle of the day, I can! (sorry Ms. McFadden)

3. Email.



I will never forget the moment (1996?) my husband (at the time) got an email for me on HIS email address and him saying: "Don't you want to get your own email address?" and I said (yes I SAID THIS!!): "I don't see why I would."
I. Don't. See. Why. I. Would.
OMG!! Email is my life.

4. My job.



This should have been number one, of course. I have the BEST JOB in the world. And it's all 'cause of the internet. I have clients all over the world (New Zealand, China, Ireland, Germany, New Jersey (hi Brad -- I know you're reading this!) -- SO COOL!) -- and this couldn't have been possible without the internet, high speed connections, email... the list goes on. Thank you gods of the universe, and all my fabulous clients.

5. and last but not least.... GLEE on demand!!!!!!



If you are one of the few who haven't seen this show, you are MISSING OUT!! (the above is a scene where the Glee kids join in song with the deaf (!) glee club they're up against. Normally I love this show for the laughs (OMG Jane Lynch is HILARIOUS!) but this scene brought me to tears)

Now what things do YOU wish technology were capable of?

- maddee

Thursday, April 8, 2010

I Should Have a Robot By Now

-- Adrienne Miller

Seriously, I should. I was promised a robot. And a flying car. And a transporter. Though now that I think about it, I’m not sure why I would need a flying car AND a transporter. Never mind. Let’s not get off topic. The point is I was promised a robot. 
Movies and tv, they promised what the future would be like. I mean the iPad looks cool and all, but I was hoping the future would look more like this.

I want a spaceship. A real one. And a warp drive. I wanted a future with the possibility of getting all makey outy with people from other planets. Let’s admit it, that’s half the allure of Star Trek.

I want a TARDIS. Yeah, sure, I’m biased by my geek sensibilities, and you know how I feel about the Doctor, but has there ever been a cooler ride than that blue police box? 

You know, the Doctor had a robot--a dog robot, but still, better than I got.